Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion by Carol Travis. It's the best book on psychology of anger ever, period (I was suprised to find only 17 reviews on Amazon so far) - A must read !!
The Anatomy of Anger:
To understand anger, the dualist approach beloved for centuries will not do. Anger and its expression are a result of biology and culture, mind and body.
For society's sake, as well as for the thousands of people who are being taught to think of themselves as helpless victims of life or biology, it is time to restore confidence in our abilities of self-control and self-determination. I think that biological research help us to do this, for it shows that while anger is a normal physiological process, it is one that is generated, and can be reduced, by our interpretations of the world and the events that happens to us. It shows that very act of defining an ambiguous emotional state as anger may create anger where none previously existed. It shows that while we may not be able to control the fight-or-flight response that protects and defends us, we can control what we do about it - express it, deny it, defy it, transform it, use it. Most of all, biology teaches that we need not be hostages to our emotions: We are restored a measure of responsibility for how we act on them. We can't the devil (or Henry) made us do it.
Myths of Suppressed Anger:
The connection between anger (expressed or suppressed) and high blood pressure depends on your age, race, sex, social class, and primarily on the reason you feel angry.
Which Type As are not Vulnerable to Heart Disease?
Those who are ambitious and energetic, but who are motivated by challenge and intrinsic instead of by external pressure and anger. They tend to feel in control of their work instead of controlled by it, but they also know when to accept the inevitable. They have close friends and good relationships. The coronary-prone elements of Type A, in contrast, are chronic, intense anger, social isolation, and a continuing feeling of frustration and fury about events that are our of one's control.
Myths of Expressed Anger:
When you permit children to play aggressively they don't become less aggressive, as the catharsis theory would predict, they become more aggressive. What reduced the children's anger? Not talking about it. Not playing with guns; that made them more hostile and aggressive as well. The most successful way of dispelling their anger was to understand why their classmate had behaved as she did (she was sleepy, upset, not feeling well).
The point is that aggression, in whatever form, is an acquired strategy for dealing with anger, not a biological inevitability. It is no use telling placid, pacifistic, and rational people that they ought to "let go" and ventilate their rage with a violent display, throwing saucepan or bitting pillows. They will only feel worse if they do.
If you can't say something nice about a person, don't say anything at all - at least if you want your anger to dissipate and your associations to remain congenial. But if you want to stay anger, if you want to use your anger, keep talking.
Angry Divorce:
They made a point of never physically or verbally attacking one another and keeping anger within bounds and not use children as scapegoats or allies. Among all the things that people can do to protect their children in the wake of divorce, this is one the hardest and on of the most important. It is, unfortunately, one of the least common.
The Anatomy of Anger:
To understand anger, the dualist approach beloved for centuries will not do. Anger and its expression are a result of biology and culture, mind and body.
For society's sake, as well as for the thousands of people who are being taught to think of themselves as helpless victims of life or biology, it is time to restore confidence in our abilities of self-control and self-determination. I think that biological research help us to do this, for it shows that while anger is a normal physiological process, it is one that is generated, and can be reduced, by our interpretations of the world and the events that happens to us. It shows that very act of defining an ambiguous emotional state as anger may create anger where none previously existed. It shows that while we may not be able to control the fight-or-flight response that protects and defends us, we can control what we do about it - express it, deny it, defy it, transform it, use it. Most of all, biology teaches that we need not be hostages to our emotions: We are restored a measure of responsibility for how we act on them. We can't the devil (or Henry) made us do it.
Myths of Suppressed Anger:
The connection between anger (expressed or suppressed) and high blood pressure depends on your age, race, sex, social class, and primarily on the reason you feel angry.
Which Type As are not Vulnerable to Heart Disease?
Those who are ambitious and energetic, but who are motivated by challenge and intrinsic instead of by external pressure and anger. They tend to feel in control of their work instead of controlled by it, but they also know when to accept the inevitable. They have close friends and good relationships. The coronary-prone elements of Type A, in contrast, are chronic, intense anger, social isolation, and a continuing feeling of frustration and fury about events that are our of one's control.
Myths of Expressed Anger:
When you permit children to play aggressively they don't become less aggressive, as the catharsis theory would predict, they become more aggressive. What reduced the children's anger? Not talking about it. Not playing with guns; that made them more hostile and aggressive as well. The most successful way of dispelling their anger was to understand why their classmate had behaved as she did (she was sleepy, upset, not feeling well).
The point is that aggression, in whatever form, is an acquired strategy for dealing with anger, not a biological inevitability. It is no use telling placid, pacifistic, and rational people that they ought to "let go" and ventilate their rage with a violent display, throwing saucepan or bitting pillows. They will only feel worse if they do.
If you can't say something nice about a person, don't say anything at all - at least if you want your anger to dissipate and your associations to remain congenial. But if you want to stay anger, if you want to use your anger, keep talking.
Angry Divorce:
They made a point of never physically or verbally attacking one another and keeping anger within bounds and not use children as scapegoats or allies. Among all the things that people can do to protect their children in the wake of divorce, this is one the hardest and on of the most important. It is, unfortunately, one of the least common.
Managing anger depends on taking responsibility for one's emotions and one's actions: on refusing the temptation to remain stuck in blame and fury or silent resentment. Once anger becomes a force to berate the nearest scapegoat instead of to change a bad situation, it loses its credibility and its power, It feeds only on itself. And it sure as sunrise makes for a grumpy life.
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