Grief is a force of energy that cannot be controlled or predicted. Grief does not obey your plans or your wishes. Grief will do whatever it wants to you, whenever it wants to. In that regard, Grief has a lot in common with Love.
- Elizabeth Gilbert
Maria Popova has a beautiful piece drawing an analogy between love and grief:
Like love, grief swells into an entire inner universe that comes to color the whole of the outside world. Like love — that rapturous raw material for most of the songs and poems and paintings our species has produced — grief lives itself through the grieving and can’t but speak its truth. Unlike love, our culture meets the voice of grief with an alloy of disquiet and denial. We want to make the sadness go away, to lift the sorrowing heart out of its sorrow immediately. Often, we mistake for personal failure our inability to salve another’s grief or mistake for their failure the inability to snap out of it on the timeline of our wishes.
Life without Max will never be the same. He left me with a black hole and a small goldilocks zone inside it which keeps me alive. Being with him for 13 plus years I became a new being and now, grieving his loss who knows what it will bring tomorrow?
There is no timetable, no cure, no self-deception - I will continue to feel whatever I feel until it feels so.
I will miss my Max for the rest of the time but I will not destroy myself in self-pity. The life we lived together keeps me going and I am ok even if it boils down to only kissing his ashes next to my bed.
It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand by Megan Devine covers what I went through days and weeks after I lost Max.
I don't want to repeat what I have written many times last year.
We all know how ridiculous new year's resolutions are. So whenever you are ready and most importantly "understand" grief and loss then please don't do this to your friends and family.
And when the time comes for you to grieve (yes, it will happen to everyone) then take your time even if takes an eternity.
Act, eschew ideology, speak less, improve awareness, and change your body, mind and your little world consciously in 2021.
Good luck!
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