How I Live - 1

Yes, I started this blog to capture how Max and I live since I understood not to trust human (my) memory. 

At this point and time in my life 14 years after this blog started and as I am approaching my 50; It is very clear Max changed my life. I became a better living being because of him. 

At the same time, I want to capture that change at a micro level how I am living with that change without being Max by side. How much of what I know and do now in life will I laugh at say when I am 70? 

So this is going to be an ongoing series on How I live.  It is not about How to live. I have no clue on that topic but I do know How I live. 

This is my everyday life filled with splendor sprouting from the ordinary.  

I miss Max every second of my day. But yet, I see that I am gifted to have experienced that life, feeling of what I felt, what he felt, the joy, the sadness and so much more. Not too many humans can say that. 

I kiss his ashes and photos a hundred times a day. The moment I wake up, before I eat, before bed, and a lot of times in between. 

Some have asked me is it because I miss him? Yes, but much more. 

As far as I know and the limits of human knowledge, this is the only life I have. I don’t have Max by my side. All I have is his ashes, pictures and my time left on earth. 

Once I die, I might not even get a chance to kiss his ashes. So I do what I do when I still have time left on earth to kiss his ashes. 

There isn’t a moment that goes by that I forget how grateful I am for this. Even during difficult  times at work, at home or my health , the moment this gratitude thought comes up, my difficulties do subside. 

So some ancients were so wise when they spoke and wrote about gratitude-filled life. 

They were and are right. Gratitude is rewarding, fulfilling and enriching. 

Every moments in my life is filled with gratitude for my time with Max, to able to live and understand the precious human animal bond and love, to able to smell, to able to see, to able to hear, to feel a touch, to feel a kiss, to make love, to taste, for people who helped me reach where I am today, for people who I never met but their words changed me, for being born in this time and age, for sheer luck of my genes, for sheer luck born in oldest civilization and to able to speak the oldest language, for living in the greatest civilization of current times, for the freedom I have, much more plus my ability to change my mind in front of reality.