90 Days Later - A Gift Of "Black Start" From Max To Keep My Mind As A River

Understand: the greatest generals, the most creative strategists, stand out not because they have more knowledge but because they are able, when necessary, to drop their preconceived notions and focus intensely on the present moment. That is how creativity is sparked and opportunities are seized. Knowledge, experience, and theory have limitations: no amount of thinking in advance can prepare you for the chaos of life, for the infinite possibilities of the moment. The great philosopher of war Carl von Clausewitz called this "friction": the difference between our plans and what actually happens. Since friction is inevitable, our minds have to be capable of keeping up with change and adapting to the unexpected. The better we can adapt our thoughts to the current circumstances, the more realistic our responses to them will be....

Think of the mind as a river: the faster it flows, the better it keeps up with the present and responds to change. The faster it flows, also the more it refreshes itself and the greater its energy. Obsessional thoughts, past experiences (whether traumas or successes), and preconceived notions are like boulders or mud in this river, settling and hardening there and damming it up. The river stops moving; stagnation sets in. You must wage constant war on this tendency in the mind.

-  The 33 Strategies of  War by Robert Greene

It's been 90 days since Max decided he had enough of me... since then there hasn't been a single morning without tears. Not a single one. When everyone bull-shited about grief, one of Max's vets told me a simple truth - it never gets better. I think she is the only one who understood that this pain has no cure and indirectly told me to learn to live with it.

Slowly I am realizing some of the hidden lessons Max taught are starting to come out to the surface. Ever since I read those powerful lines from Robert Greene, I decided to eliminate stagnations and boulders in my head - no matter what and tried to keep my mind flowing as a river. That decision helped me bring Neo home within just 4 days of Max passing away. That decision made me keep this blog alive. That decision is what is still helping to keep breathing, to be alive and to celebrate life.

But I am human. I have lost the love of my life. It is much easier to talk and write about keeping "the mind as a river" than actually doing it. There were hours and days which were impossible and there will be more impossible hours and days in the future.

What is Black Start?

A Black start is the reverse process of a blackout.
Electric power stations require electricity to start. Once they’re running, they can power themselves. But how do you get the initial power to them?
It’s like plugging an extension cord into itself and expecting it to work.
To solve this problem, power stations store a few small-ish generators. The smallest one can power the middle-sized one. This generator has enough power to then start the main power generators.
Yeah, it’s a cascade!

I am slowly realizing Max has given a gift of this Black Start generator inside of me. When everything inside me shuts down and the entire world is dark, this beautiful gift from him has the power to power me up to light the light inside of me and which in turn helps me keep going.

He was full of life and joy even as the cancer was eating him from inside. Even when he couldn't eat by himself, couldn't pee without a catheter and could even stand up to poop...  he had his tail wagging and his eyes were full of life. He had the most powerful Black Start generator inside him that made celebrate life until his last breath.

He didn't just give the gift but showed me how to use it.

I love you, Max. And you shouldn't have left me like this... I miss you.