Life without Max is not something I was prepared for. The truth is I don't know how to live without him. We are adaptable creatures but knowing just this fact makes one self-ware of the process of adapting. I don't know if its the curse of knowledge or if its just pain reality.
Years ago, sitting with Max when I started this blog, little did I know that I will be reading one of the most favorite blog posts about Emotional Intelligence with another puppy.
Our motivations are largely emotionally driven. Negative emotions push us to face and act on those things that make us most uncomfortable. Positive emotions allow us to enjoy success and give us energy to meet new challenges. But negative emotions inspire us to make changes.
Misery is perhaps the most creative force in our lives. Seldom do we make major changes in our lives without considerable emotional pain. Each negative emotion comes complete with an intuitive guide to action. Anger pushes us to stand up for ourselves and speak up when we’ve been treated with disrespect. Fear makes us hyper-vigilant to potential danger and readies us to duck or run away if needed. Sadness makes us review over and over again what we’ve lost. That ruminative search is for the knowledge to compensate for our loss [as well as reassess its meaning and purpose. Ultimately, such learning leads us with the wisdom to understand our lives from a new perspective and make our actions more adaptive.] Guilt reminds us of our responsibility in the errors we make and motivates us to work to understand our mistakes and learn how to avoid repeating them.It is no secret that I am full of pain and it hurts immensely knowing that I will not see Max ever again, I will not smell him, I will not able to kiss him, I will not be able to feel that wet nose and there is nothing I can do about that. One day, I will perish too. But before that time, how can I use the lessons learned from Max and my negative emotions to do some little good for what I received so far in my life. I am immensely grateful for 13 years with Max, life could have taken me in so many different directions but yet, by sheer randomness and chaos of life bought Max and me together. I am grateful for that chance and time.
Will I learn to live without Max? It doesn't matter. We still breathe the air dinosaur breathed millions of years ago. I will breathe the same air Max breathed, I might be able to smell him occasionally since olfactory memory is the mother of all memories and I will see him in my dreams. We are masters of creating subjective realities and I might have to create one to fuel further living.
My pain is pain. There is no point in trying to find a "cure" for it. This emotion was innate to serve a set of purposes. It is serving its purpose in this pinnacle of a moment. I have to let it flow as long as the current let it do so. And this very emotion might be the key source. What matters most is what I will do in this journey of life without Max before I perish to express some sense of gratitude? This is not searching for the purpose of life but rather an obligation.
I love you, Max. I miss you. I miss you so much.
5 comments:
I just wanted to say how very sorry I was to read of Max's passing. I fully appreciate the intense and deeply intimate connection one can establish with a canine companion, a rapport like no other, and when they are no longer with us, part of us is gone. As you describe, we are left with a profound and tangible pain.
I am pleased to see you have another companion. Although he will never take Max's place, I am sure a deep bond will be established with Neo just the same.
I look forward to pictures and tales of life with Neo in the blog.
Wishing you the best.
Pauline
I was very sorry to read of Max's sad passing. I can fully appreciate the profound, intimate and meaningful bond that is established with our canine companions, a rapport and understanding like no other. When they are no longer with us it is as though part of us has gone, and we feel their loss as a searing and tangible pain. No words can sooth that pain.
I was pleased to read you have a new companion, although of course, no one can ever replace Max whose unique essence will remain with you forever. I am sure you will though develop an intimate relationship with Neo, just as you did with Max.
I look forward to seeing pictures of and reading tales of Neo's development in the blog.
Wishing both of you the best.
Pauline
Thank you for your kind words Pauline.
Yes, Neo is in the puppy phase with immense energy.
It's beautiful to see his innocence and he has no idea what his dad is going through emotionally.
Although something unique happened last week when I hugged him and cried thinking of Max.
I have to reflect on that experience more and I will post it on the blog soon.
Thanks again.
Just a quick reply to say that Mark Rowlands’ The Philosopher and the Wolf was, after I first read it shortly after it was published, the first book that got me to seriously consider the inherent nature of dogs and the close bond that can be formed with them (his blog being where I was alerted to yours, a number of years ago, incidentally). Although I have always cared deeply about nonhuman animals and the way they are generally disregarded and objectified by humanity.
You may also have read Jeffrey Masson’s Dogs Never Lie About Love.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dogs-Never-Lie-About-Love/dp/0099740613/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
Another book I would recommend is this:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/General-Theory-Love-Vintage/dp/0375709223/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2UQRIMOV8DQJ7&keywords=a+general+theory+of+love&qid=1578479248&s=books&sprefix=a+general+%2Cstripbooks%2C134&sr=1-1
Which isn’t about dogs, but about how mammalian brains tend to synchronise with others, over time, when in close proximity. I read it over 15 years ago, but it has remained with me. It is human-centric, but the analysis can certainly apply to other mammals – because the limbic system (part of the brain largely responsible for emotion) is similar in all mammals.
The phrase "I will see you in dreams" is the last line of the Mark's book.
That is what he said after Bernin passed away.
If you remember, Mark used to write a blog when the book came out and I used to comment there.
You started following my blog since we both used to follow Mark's blog. We met via Mark's blog.
It is one my all favorite books.
There is lot of overlap with my relationship with Max and Mark's relationship with Bernin.
Thank you for all the book suggestions.
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