Premeditatio Malorum is the Latin word for the premeditation of the evils and troubles that might lie ahead. This was something very easy for me to do. Basics of biology and rules of organic life on this planet made me practice this constantly to enjoy normal and ordinary days with Max. Even Daniel Kahneman wrote lengths about the importance of negative bias (which has the roots for our loss aversion trait).
Premeditatio Malorum was something Seneca wrote about in lengths:
Thinking of negative events before happening does not mean constant rumination and sinking in the quagmire of future realities of life. But it is to keep that small voice in the back of the head alive, reminding me of what matters most in life and what to put the time and effort on. It is as simple as it sounds. Like anything else in life, it can be developed by practice.
Even after 13 years of practice of premeditation of evil, I wasn't even close to ready to lose Max. I can only ruminate and wondering what would have become of me if I didn't practice? But nothing in the world would have prepared me for losing Max.
It did help me is those 18 plus months in which Max lived with Cancer. Nothing else mattered - job, finances, relationships and everything else under the sun. My brain put my habits and routines on hold without any effort. The focus was on getting more of the most scarce thing in the universe - time. Mind was focused on squeezing every extra millisecond with Max without making him suffer.
Thank goodness for so many people and their efforts; he survived more than 18 months with cancer. I don't think, my mind and body would have worked in symphony without any effort if I had not practiced premeditatio malorum constantly.
As far as everything else during those 18 months and even during Max's puppy days to prime of his adult life, premeditatio malorum helped me focus on what matters - Max!
There is a beautiful reply by Joseph Heller of Catch-22 fame which was immortalized by Kurt Vonnegut:
Premeditatio Malorum was something Seneca wrote about in lengths:
What is quite unlooked for is more crushing in its effect, and unexpectedness adds to the weight of a disaster. This is a reason for ensuring that nothing ever takes us by surprise. We should project our thoughts ahead of us at every turn and have in mind every possible eventuality instead of only the usual course of events…
Rehearse them in your mind: exile, torture, war, shipwreck. All the terms of our human lot should be before our eyes.And we all know what happened to Seneca but what we don't know is what went through Seneca's mind when he was forced to commit suicide.
Thinking of negative events before happening does not mean constant rumination and sinking in the quagmire of future realities of life. But it is to keep that small voice in the back of the head alive, reminding me of what matters most in life and what to put the time and effort on. It is as simple as it sounds. Like anything else in life, it can be developed by practice.
Even after 13 years of practice of premeditation of evil, I wasn't even close to ready to lose Max. I can only ruminate and wondering what would have become of me if I didn't practice? But nothing in the world would have prepared me for losing Max.
It did help me is those 18 plus months in which Max lived with Cancer. Nothing else mattered - job, finances, relationships and everything else under the sun. My brain put my habits and routines on hold without any effort. The focus was on getting more of the most scarce thing in the universe - time. Mind was focused on squeezing every extra millisecond with Max without making him suffer.
Thank goodness for so many people and their efforts; he survived more than 18 months with cancer. I don't think, my mind and body would have worked in symphony without any effort if I had not practiced premeditatio malorum constantly.
As far as everything else during those 18 months and even during Max's puppy days to prime of his adult life, premeditatio malorum helped me focus on what matters - Max!
There is a beautiful reply by Joseph Heller of Catch-22 fame which was immortalized by Kurt Vonnegut:
Joseph Heller, an important and funny writer
now dead,
and I were at a party given by a billionaire
on Shelter Island.
I said, “Joe, how does it make you feel
to know that our host only yesterday
may have made more money
than your novel ‘Catch-22’
has earned in its entire history?”
And Joe said, “I’ve got something he can never have.”
And I said, “What on earth could that be, Joe?”
And Joe said, “The knowledge that I’ve got enough.”
Not bad! Rest in peace!
The knowledge that I've got enough is something I got from Max. It's such a beautiful feeling when the body and mind - emotionally and intellectually agree on something.
I have no regrets about not spending enough time with Max. Every day, every hour, every min of the past 13 years was planned accordingly so that I could spend more time with him. There is no way, I could have said I have no regrets when Max is not around if not for this powerful stoic exercise.
Thank you for all those wise men who have the sense to document and pass on this wisdom.
Max at the emergency room in October 2020 - those dreadful four days and the miracle on the fifth day.
I have no regrets about not spending enough time with Max. Every day, every hour, every min of the past 13 years was planned accordingly so that I could spend more time with him. There is no way, I could have said I have no regrets when Max is not around if not for this powerful stoic exercise.
Thank you for all those wise men who have the sense to document and pass on this wisdom.
Max at the emergency room in October 2020 - those dreadful four days and the miracle on the fifth day.
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